Everything is so sanitized, floors waxed, fresh paint everywhere, every chair lined up perfectly, you can smell the bleach all the time... it's like I'm being sterilized. They don't treat me like a prisoner, but every window is covered with fence... The fence outside goes all the way around the perimeter. Is that to keep me in or others out. It's all so strange. I've never felt so lonely in my life. This place is huge except for a handful of people. Who are they? What do they know about me... Lab coats, sneakers... It's so cold in here. They say I had a nervous breakdown. The First Sergeant called yesterday. He said they were going to give me an Honorable Discharge. I don't deserve it.
If anyone knew what I did in Kirkuk, they would see I am not honorable. I still see him every night. It keeps playing over again in my head. I know he was up to no good, but I didn't have to shoot him. He begged me to spare his life... I mean, you don't have to understand the language, when someone is begging for their life. I could have detained him till the Sergeant and others got there. I could have even let him go. I never saw a weapon. What in the world am I gonna do. How can I live with this the rest of my life.
Father, open our hearts, Lord. So many of our young people today are rushed though training, given weapons that kill and sent far away to do terrible things in the name of peace. Young men and women with their whole life ahead of them are pulled from their families and sent to a war that no one can explain to them. They see and do things they have never seen and wish they never had. Many die far away from home and many others come home broken, confused, and lonely. Guilt-ridden, estranged, and in need of both physical and spiritual assistance, many drop out of sight and into seclusion. Open our hearts today Lord. Do not allow us to ignore them and forget them. Help us to think of ways to reach out to them. Deal with our hearts now father as we consider so many of our young fellow men and woman who may be out there today alone and hurting.
I love you.
Father, open my heart, Lord. Show me the futility of all of life, apart from You. Open my heart for the lost today. Give me a yearning to reach out for those who could know you before it's too late. Help me to think of where they might be stuck, hurting, and looking for some real meaning to life. Use me to shine Your Light into cold dark hearts, today. Shake me...open my ears, open my eyes, and
ReplyDeleteopen my heart, Lord Jesus.