"Wives, be subject to your husbands [subordinate and adapt yourselves to them], as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord."
There are many military words used in the bible and it is helpful to understand their use, principle, and purpose as we go through these next few verses. The King James renders the original word Hupotasso, as "submit", and there is a kind of submitting suggested, but Hupotasso was a secular military term describing lining up or marshaling of soldiers under the commanding officer, drawing up in order to prepare for battle. In this state of subordination they would now "be subject" to the orders of their commander. It is a submission that is forced from inside by an understanding of order and not blindness, unwillful surrender! The fact that one soldier is a private and another is a colonel, or even general does not mean that one man is necessarily better than the other. It only means that they have different ranks, roles, and responsibilities. And so we see that the idea is more of putting ourselves subject to the position more than to the person.
What is the difference? You need to submit, true, but to what...years of abuse, infidelity... submission to anything and anyone? God does all things... properly and in an orderly manner (1 Cor 14:40). And as such, He has set up a chain of command in His Kingdom... In His Army. Without it we find, instead of moral order (kosmos), there is moral chaos... a society in apostasy and anarchy as in Judges 21:25. The fact that the woman is to "be subject" to her husband does not suggest that the man is better than or superior to the woman. It only means that the man has the God ordained responsibility of headship and leadership in the home (Eph 5:23-24). According to the Master's plan, the husband's role is to be the Spirit filled spiritual head of the house and the woman's role is to live with a Spirit enabled attitude of being aligned to her husband. We see Paul immediately (next verse) commands husbands to selflessly, sacrificially, love their wives. The Spirit borne fruit of this "agape" love in and from the husband provides the proper environment in which godly subjection by the wife is to take place (Eph 5:25-30).
God has honored wives because He has asked them to do what He also has done. The model, of course, is the Lord Jesus Himself. Paul says in Eph 5:23, 24, "For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." Let's look at the model of being subject to authority.
Look in Philippians 2:5-8. In verses 5 and 6 it reads, "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient." And so, the wife makes a choice to place herself as an equal underneath another equal, her husband, in order that there can be order and function in the family. The whole purpose of it is so that it meets the design - the order that God has ordained.
19. "Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them."
The verb agapao itself seems best understood in the NT to express a willing love, not the love of passion or emotion, but the love of choice—a covenant kind of love. The love that should have existed long before the start of the marriage is to continue throughout the marriage; Gods' love, produced within and from the husbands' heart. It can not give way to bitterness. The willing, covenant love in view here is the activity of self-sacrifice. It is a deep affection that views the wife as a sister in the Lord and the object of a promise to be kept.
The love that Paul commands sees the wife as a vessel to be cared for while at the same time a fellow heir to grace (1 Peter 3:7), a best friend, and life-partner. The nature of this love is beautifully expressed in Ephesians 5:22-28. God designed that a wife's "being subject to" operate within the context of a Spirit filled husband's sacrificial love. (Remember that context is critical for accurate interpretation and application -- here, what is the context of the command for husbands to continually "love like Jesus"?
Can we really love like Jesus? No and yes! Brothers, we cannot love this way in our own natural strength. We need to continually surrender to the supernatural strengthening by the Spirit of Christ [Ezek 36:27] in order to love our wives with His Christ-like love - so the context of Eph 5:22 is Eph 5:18 - being continually filled with and controlled by or empowered by the Spirit!. In that way she is protected (one aspect of Paul's "definition" of love - 1 Cor 13:7 where "bears" first conveys the idea of protecting by covering) because a (Spirit filled) man, one who truly loves his wife, would never force her to submit to something which is humiliating, degrading or violating to her conscience.
The godly husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church, which speaks of leadership, provision, protection, promises of good, etc. Agape (Gods' view of us) love means LISTENING, maybe one reason we have two ears and one mouth. It's another important part in our most intimate relationship, the marriage covenant. What does Christ do for His Church? He spends time with His body, listens patiently to her prayers, gives of Himself, and finally and very importantly as it pertains to husbands, Christ intercedes for His Bride continually (Heb 7:25, Rom 8:34). Mark it down -- If you have a weak prayer life for your wife or just in general, any struggle may be because your prayers are being hindered and you need to read Peter's warning (1 Peter 3:7)! It is unthinkably absurd for a Christian husband to demand submission of his wife if he is not radically loving her.
In the same way the definition of love, from 1 Cor 13, is written in both, "is" and "is not", the role of the husband is shown the same way, here in verse 19. Husbands are "not" to be bitter. Bitter is from the word "pikraino from pikros, originally, which meant pointed, sharp and then more generally of what is "sharp" or "penetrating" to the senses, like a pervasive smell, a "shrill" noise, a "painful" feeling) means literally to make bitter (as of waters that are bitter to the point of being undrinkable). To produce a bitter taste in the stomach.
Husbands...are enjoined (this is another imperative) not to be cutting; that is, the husband is not to abuse his office, he is not to be overbearing, but is to show the love of God in every respect to his wife. If a husband is expected to avoid verbally abusing his wife, he must even more so avoid physically abusing her. He is obviously expected to be his wife's protector, and he is to protect her from his own physical strength.
So, with the understanding of the military implication in some of the words in these two verses, we begin to see the strength in the order God has set forth. Later, in the next few verses, as we add to the family, the children... You begin to see the whole family as a powerful "unit", together, According to the Master and Commander's plan. Amen?
We will pick up with verse 20, next time.
I love you.
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