Colossians 3:20

"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing to the Lord" Colossians 3:20.

Be obedient is translated from the original word hupakouo, which literally means "hearing under", that is, listening from a subordinate position in which compliance with what is said is expected and intended. The idea of "under" is consciously, the act of one's will to subordinate one's self to the person or thing heard and hence "to obey" or to give respectful attention. The idea of hupakouo is that the one hearing is under the authority of another and thus conveys the meanings of calling for compliance with the requests and demands of those you are under... back to the military example of Gods' divine order and "chain of command".

Obeying your parents involves an attitude of forsaking the tendency of the fallen nature to rebel against parental or Gods' instructions and commands and seeking God's will, instead of your self will. The present imperative is a command calling for this attitude and action to be the child's lifestyle. "All things" means no exceptions (as long of course as what the parents are asking is concordant with God's will and walking in a manner worthy of the Lord and is not sin. (Ephesians 6:1-3)

This relationship between child and parents cannot be right unless first the husband-wife relationship is right with God and hence - each other.

Now, if a child is old enough to read this themselves and understand, I think it is important (yes, actually scriptural) to use positive reinforcement FIRST, to help bring Gods' truth to heart. And so, we look at what the rest of this verse says... "for this is pleasing to the Lord". By now, you must know that pleasing The Lord is a good thing, but another thing to look at is one of the 10 Commandments (which Jesus said, "have not been done away with") concerning your "being obedient". It says, in Exodus 20, "12. Regard (treat with honor, due obedience, and courtesy) your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land the Lord your God gives you". This is the only command which has a promise after it and so it must really be very important to God and to you to do this. You must trust God to help you do this also. It is hard sometimes trusting God and your parents but The Lord is ready to help you.

Listen to what He says in another passage to young people.

1 Timothy 4, "12. Let no one despise or think less of you because of your youth, but be an example (pattern) for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity. 13. Till I come, devote yourself to [public and private] reading, to exhortation (preaching and personal appeals), and to teaching and instilling doctrine. 14. Do not neglect the gift which is in you, [that special inward endowment] which was directly imparted to you [by the Holy Spirit] by prophetic utterance when the elders laid their hands upon you [at your ordination]. 15. Practice and cultivate and meditate upon these duties; throw yourself wholly into them [as your ministry], so that your progress may be evident to everybody. 16. Look well to yourself [to your own personality] and to [your] teaching; persevere in these things [hold to them], for by so doing you will save both yourself and those who hear you."

In these verses are several important things to remember that are very helpful.
1. There are people who don't know the truth that you and your parents know and they will pick on you and try to make you feel unimportant, but -
2. Keep studying the bible and listening to The Word of God, because it will teach you the truth about the things they (those who depise) are saying (lies) the truth about yourself (you are precious to God, your parents, and other Christians), and -
3. Then its says, "Do not neglect the gift which is in you"... That's part of God, Himself that speaks to you. The Lord is always inside of you... telling you things that match up with what you read from the bible, His Word... things you're doing right and things you're doing wrong. And finally, -
4. It says, "persevere (keep pushing on ) in these things and hold on to what God says, for by so doing you will save both yourself and those who hear you. People die of deadly illnesses because the do things that God tells them not to do. People have terrible accidents that kill them because they were acting crazy, ignoring God, ignoring their parents, police, teachers, and Godly advice from Christian friends. But this verse says that you can save your life by keeping Gods Word in your heart and the lives of your friends that listen to you.

Now, if your child is not old enough to read this and understand, parents must train their children. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it."

I know that the common understanding of the passage is to accept it as a divine guarantee, but it was not expressed in that context. Psychiatrist John White, writing in his excellent book Parents in Pain, makes the case that the proverbs were never intended to be absolute promises from God. Instead, they are probabilities of things that are likely to occur. Solomon, who wrote Proverbs, was the wisest man on the earth at that time. His purpose was to convey his divinely inspired observations on the way human nature and God's universe work. A given set of circumstances can be expected to produce a set of specific consequences.

Unfortunately, several of these observations, including Proverbs 22:6, have been lifted out of that context and made to stand alone as promises from God. If we insist on that interpretation, then we must explain why so many other proverbs do not inevitably prove accurate. For example: "Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth" (10:4). (Have you ever met a diligent — but poor — Christian? I have.) "The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it" (10:22). "The fear of the Lord adds length to life, but the years of the wicked are cut short" (10:27). (I have watched some beautiful children die with a Christian testimony on their lips.) "No harm befalls the righteous, but the wicked have their fill of trouble" (12:21). "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed" (15:22). "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life" (16:31). "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord" (16:33). "A tyrannical ruler lacks judgment, but he who hates ill-gotten gain will enjoy a long life" (28:16). We can all think of exceptions to the statements above. To repeat, the proverbs appear to represent likelihood's rather than absolutes with God's personal guarantee attached.

This interpretation of the Scripture is somewhat controversial among laymen, but less so among biblical scholars. For example, Bible Knowledge Commentary: Old Testament, prepared by the faculty of the Dallas Theological Seminary, accepts the understanding suggested here. This commentary is recognized for its intense commitment to the literal interpretation of God's Word, yet this is what the theologians wrote: Some parents, however, have sought to follow this directive but without this result. Their children have strayed from the godly training the parents gave them. This illustrates the nature of a "proverb." A proverb is a literary device whereby a general truth is brought to bear on a specific situation. Many of the proverbs are not absolute guarantees for they express truths that are necessarily conditioned by prevailing circumstances. For example, verses 3, 4, 9, 11, 16, 29 of Proverbs 22 do not express promises that are always binding. Though the proverbs are generally and usually true, occasional exceptions may be noted. This may be because of the self-will or deliberate disobedience of an individual who chooses to go his own way -- the way of folly instead of the way of wisdom. For that he is held responsible. It is generally true, however, that most children who are brought up in Christian homes, under the influence of godly parents who teach and live God's standards, follow that training.

Those who believe that Proverbs 22:6 offers a guarantee of salvation for the next generation have assumed, in essence, that a child can be programmed so thoroughly as to determine his course inevitably. If they bring him up "in the way he should go," the outcome is guaranteed. But think about that for a moment. Didn't the Creator handle Adam and Eve with infinite wisdom and love? He made no mistakes in "fathering" them. They were also harbored in a perfect environment with none of the pressures we face. They had no in-law problems, no monetary needs, no frustrating employers, no television, no pornography, no alcohol or drugs, no peer pressure, and no sorrow. They had no excuses! Nevertheless, they ignored the explicit warning from God and stumbled into sin. If it were ever possible to avoid the ensnarement of evil, it would have occurred in that sinless world. But it didn't. God in His love gave Adam and Eve a choice between good and evil, and they abused it. Will He now withhold that same freedom from your children? No.

Ultimately, they will make their own choices. That time of decision is a breathtaking moment for parents, when everything they have taught appears to be on the line. But it must come for us all.

"Train up a child in the way he should go... The Amplified adds, "in keeping with his individual gift or bent", meaning, 'according to his (the child's) way', implying, it seems, respect for his individuality and vocation, though not for his self-will (see verse 5, or 14:12)." In other words, each child is unique. So each child will need his own unique training.

One child might need more encouragement than another. One child might need more discipline than another. And such factors must be considered in training. By the way, this also means that we ought to be slow to tell other parents how to do their job (cf. James 1:19). You know your children better than I do, and I know my children better than you do. Each parent must know their child, and train him up "according to his way."

A child's age must be considered as well. Dr. James Dobson believes in spanking [and I believe all people should (Proverbs 13:24; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15)]. However, Dobson wisely recommends alternatives to spanking as your child is older. He suggests "lost privileges, financial deprivation, and related forms of non-physical retribution." You as parents have got to work this out between yourselves and God, and with your child. I remind you, it could save their life today... tomorrow... as well as their eternal salvation! We will pick up with verse 21, next time.

I love you.